Today seems like summer because, well it is 52 degrees today!!! and although the rain is threatening we are going to do everything we can to enjoy this beautiful day!
So I have to be honest with you that each day I am struck by fear over so many things as most moms I am sure could relate to. Right now my main fears is how to go somewhere with 3 small children. I know you mommas with several little ones can relate. Right now we have a 16 week old nursing baby, 1 potty training 3 year old, and a 5 year old with physical disabilities. I have gotten wise to the fact that I should limit my trips to only a few times a week to help myself out, but I have to admit, the fear and quite frankly *anxiety* of leaving the house does a good job of keeping me home. Now, I have found contentment in this season of life I am in, however..sometimes I need to get out, and you know what, i have got to figure out how to do this!! No matter how prepared we are, there is always an unexpected thing that will happen right?...(like when you are on your last diaper and someone gets diarrhea in indianapolis)
One of our favorite daytime pastimes is neighborhood walks.We are blessed to live close by my mom, but not extremely close..(I need to find out for sure but I believe its just under a mile). In the years past, the boys have enjoyed our beautiful double jogging stroller as we go see grandma, but adding an extra baby, and children getting bigger by the minute brings some new challenges this year to our walking fun. This morning Levi asked if we could walk to grandmas, so I think, YES I want to so much, the weather is warm, we need to get out...So i go through the things we need..
I think maybe Levi would use his brand new wheelchair, allowing Lennox and Hazel to ride in the stroller? That seems like the easiest way to tackle this outing?
But Levi says, "mom, I really want to walk with my walker to grandmas house today! Well, this is good news,because he's pretty motivated to exercise today, and any time that happens, we should really go with it because he needs to keep moving!
My internal agony begins as I think about how this will go, moms can become such fortune tellers ..."are you sure you dont want to use your wheelchair? its such a long way honey?" "I can do it mom" he assures me.
Ok.
We are doing this.
1 kid potty training..
1 newborn who eats a lot....
come on everyone..lets do this!
So here we go =)
I have grieved the mom getting exercise part of my walks because the pace is quite different, but its ok! We found many many many sticks, leaves, cigarette butts...old newspapers.. you name it, we find it and collect it!
A little down the way we meet a neighbor named Linda, she came out of her house to see this amazing sight of what must look like the circus coming to town...(My big double stroller new baby and boy, led by a little boy in his walker, one foot in front of the other..) She greeted us with much love and support for her brand new friend Levi. I could tell she hardly knew what to say to us, but wanted to show her support in our lives and cheer on our journey. "God bless you" she says, as we walk away...
Later on down the road we run into a friend who's walking with her baby, we laugh about getting out of the house, she says "your so brave to take the 3 on a walk"..yet both of us know that it is so important to get out of the house with little ones...
our walk is long now... with frequent "breaks" I know whats coming soon....but we are soooo close to grandma's house!
I encourage Levi that if we would like to hop in the stroller he can, I would be glad to push him...after several attempts to give him a break he gives in to his sore legs and says, "ok mom, i could use the break".
We stop, and preform a miraculous transition.
As an experienced momma I now am, i have prepared and thought through this moment...So thankfully I received an amazing Tula baby carrier to wear Hazel for a gift to make my life possible.
Hazel gets wrapped up and strapped on momma, Levi hops in the stroller, and we fold up the walker and I am figuring out how to hold it while we walk, as its been a few months since ive mastered the technique.
Out from the home we are parked in front of comes a sweet older woman who says, "do you need some help?" in which i reply "well, you are sweet to offer, but I think we actually may have it figured out now!" along with a chuckle.. She has a bag of homemade cookies from her freezer and says hi to the kids and the boys ooh and ahh over a bag of cookies, and the boys said "we are going to our grandmas house" she tells them she is called "Grandma Cookie" lol and they liked that. "Can i at least drive the walker to your moms house for you?" it was tempting but my destination was so close and at this point we were ok. She touched my arm and looked at me and said "may God bless you sweetie" . We thanked her for her kindness and we made it to our destination shortly after.
I tell you this story because as I was walking, I was overwhelmed at the thought of "may God bless you" and realizing that he already HAS blessed me.
We had so much fun on our long nature walk/ transformer/adventure to grandmas house..and although it is much like the circus coming to town every where we go, I am always in awe of God's kindness of how he shows me what to do and how to manage my life. Life is hard friends. For all of us!
Just like you, I have days where I cry and think, "how am i going to do this Lord?" and you know what, many times is over walking to grandmas house, or running an errand as silly as that sounds...
Many people have pity or compassion as they watch us in public which is kind (and also a bit overwhelming lol), and i must say I never imagined my life would be such a spectacle. But my point is that I often have pity on myself and am tired and frustrated, but the Lord is always kind to me, he gives me wisdom for my life! He provides people in my life who have offered help and encouragement every step of the way. I am cared for and loved and God DOES bless me so much!
Fear can cripple me, its fear over getting stuck on the sidewalk far from home, or the one last diaper...But I was reminded of this verse today:
Isaiah 41:10
So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
So here I am on the other end of my major accomplishment of the day thinking, I don't always know how it will work out, but I have always been overwhelmed by God's blessing, and the way he has helped me move forward in life. Even in the simple things.
